From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
