he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
you had me at cake vodka
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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