Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
