Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Randomize
