Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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