Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
