Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
