Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
