No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
