please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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