yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
