I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
