I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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