my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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