Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize