looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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