Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
