im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
