everyone is single if you try hard enough
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
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