is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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