Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
