Please, let me fuck your mom
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Randomize
