I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
