U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
My dick has a subreddit
Randomize
