I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
