The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
