Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
