A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Randomize
