This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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