Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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