Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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