dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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