Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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