Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
