youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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