i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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