I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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