I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
MIDGETS
????
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
