My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
