So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
