8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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