I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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