..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
