When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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