Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
