Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
