Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
