found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
