Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
