My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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