Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
he shaved USA in his pubs
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
