Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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