I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
