I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
