Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
