Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
