She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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