i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
