the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
