did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize