the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We left the knife in your bed.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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