This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
