Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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