I molested 6 butterflies tonight
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
