And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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