Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
