It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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