Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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