No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
