I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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