I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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