Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize