I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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