Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
