Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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