I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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