i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
