Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
