shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
