hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
